During a recent exam, my general practitioner suggested I take mid-morning and afternoon breaks instead of working straight through the day. “Get out of your chair,” she said. “Change your view. Go for a walk. Move. Stretch. Do something different.”
I walked a few laps around the downtown park during my first mid-morning break. Before I left, I picked up something bright and yellow from off the ground. At first glance, it appeared to be a sunflower petal. Upon closer inspection, it was a leaf. I do not recall ever seeing a leaf so pure in color, not withholding anything and being everything it was created to be. I felt honored to enjoy its beauty.
Returning to the office, I placed the leaf on a shelf and went about my day. After work, I walked toward my vehicle as an individual approached me to share an issue he was having. As he was talking, I was trying to decipher if he was looking for suggestions or for me to acknowledge his feelings. I decided to give him space to speak his truth.
I must keep in mind when someone is depositing an amount of trust in me by sharing their truth, that my response is filtered by my values, faith, coping mechanisms, experiences, and self-reliance methods. My natural reaction to their situation may or may not be what they need from me at that moment. As much as I try to hit the mark, I sometimes fail. Sometimes I am too analytical when what they need is empathy. Sometimes I ask too many questions when all they want is to be heard. It was not until later that evening, when I replayed the conversation with the gentleman in my head, that I realized I had failed this man with regard to what he needed most.
He did not need me to fix his problem; he needed me to feel it. He needed me to acknowledge the trials he was facing and to hear that he was so confused at this point that he did not know if he was playing offense or defense. He did not need me telling him anything; he needed me. Or better put, he needed to hear his words bounce off someone other than the ping-pong mental sport he had going in his mind.
The following morning, I opened the office and went to the shelf to admire the vibrant leaf I had left there the day before. I saw not a hint of yellow. All color was drained. The leaf appeared as a damaged strand of brown, brittle hair. I thought of the man who approached me as I was leaving work the day before. Yes, I was tired. Yes, I wanted to get in my car and go home. But here was an individual who needed someone. He came to me as pure and vulnerable as the gold leaf, and I cannot help but think I left him dry and drained.
There is a tendency in this world for folks to misplace their manners, and I am no exception from time to time. Most are too busy avoiding their missteps to notice when God steps in to redirect our attention. I am thankful for my shortcomings that get my attention, pulling me back to where He leads.
There is a growing trend of one-sided interactions and shallow connections. More and more, I notice that when someone introduces themselves, expecting the other person to state their name, they rarely do. Also, there are times that someone could be in your company for 20 minutes, and you end up knowing half their life story, but they know nothing about you. Or someone shares, cares, and makes an effort to keep in touch, and the other does not respond in kind.
“Kindness and politeness are not overrated at all. They’re underused.” — Tommy Lee Jones
When my daughter was in grade school, her teacher taught the class the importance of being “one of a kind.” During their craft session, my daughter used crayons to illustrate the teacher’s lesson. Picking her up from school, my daughter was so excited to show me the note she had made that I had to open it in the driveway.
Underneath a big yellow sun, my daughter had written in all caps: “MOM, BE ONE OF THE KIND.”
She did not interpret correctly what the teacher was saying, but the message my daughter gave me was precisely perfect. I still have her note, some 15 years later. The words are just as clear, and the sun she colored is as vibrant as the day she pressed the yellow crayon upon the paper.
I tossed the brown leaf in the trashcan as I packed up for the day. I can be better. I can do better. I desire to be a light for Christ — His plan, not mine. I want to leave people feeling seen, heard, lighter, and brighter. This involves being truly engaged, learning and acting upon what the person needs most (despite any natural inclination to give them what we think they need). Just like the gold leaf that fell upon my path, people only come our way for a moment or a season. May we do our best to meet them where they are at and be one of the kind.
“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tiffany Kaye Chartier
SGLY, dear reader.
(Smile, God Loves You.)
Tiffany Kaye Chartier, Author 