This past year has been unmatched in difficulty. Only the force of faith has been able to return the serve of my stress. Life as of late has been an exhausting rally; a back-and-forth juxtaposed awareness that is just that — an awareness — an awakening. And in this awakening, I have realized the exercise of acceptance. Mostly, the practice of accepting myself and pushing outside my comfort zone.
Despite being outgoing, I am a hugely private person (another oxymoron). I learned how to be authentic without revealing too much from an early age. I strive to have my actions match the quality of my thoughts — to be real and not wasteful with words. And since words often transcribe the mind and heart, I try to examine my thoughts and the condition of my heart to keep myself grounded upon the path God has set before me. I confess, at times, I make the journey harder than it needs to be. Much harder.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).
As I admitted to having the capability of making life harder than necessary, I must also realize that others share the same ability. In this knowing, each person we meet is a compilation of highs and lows (and everything in between). Not only are we rallying against ourselves, but we are also engaged in a doubles match with whomever we meet on a court riddled with land mines.
Good luck.
And yet, the truth is, life itself is not overly complicated. When people begin to exclude God and dilute His Word, concentrating more on their agendas, this is when we see an antagonistic, misleading, and selfish society arise. What ensues is an uprising of babel — noise and confusion that builds gaps rather than bridges.
People lose their audience and point when biased reactions have the loudest voice and common sense remains quiet. It does not take much looking around to realize many people have fallen prisoner to the unhealthy routine of speaking with prejudice and making decisions without all the facts. They do not recognize that they have shackled themselves to small-minded thinking and small idols composed of slander, jealousy, and callousness. They seek allies, not realizing they are congregating in a prison yard that yields limited views.
As with most private people, self-control is crucial to me. I am very hard on myself if I feel I failed to keep my calm and composure. I am selective in my conversations as I do not see the value in discussions with people who lack the wisdom, humility, or desire to see a possibility beyond their point of view. We have all encountered people who do not seek the ultimate good; instead, they attempt to use what little control they have to make themselves look good. Yet, we know such people may feel vindicated for a moment, but their thirst for vengeance returns, and they go back to the prison yard to gather more supporters. Their nourishment is phantom power.
The caveat in having a personality like mine is in running the risk of holding back to the point of holding myself back. I have often wondered if I have learned too well how to hide too much (even from myself). I have come to realize there have been times when I have buried how I feel, only to discover later that what I buried had become a land mine in my own backyard.
Everyone has triggers. I was never unaware that I had them. What I failed to give enough credence to was that my triggers would detonate through implosion rather than explosion when I tripped on one. It was not until a counselor made me write three words on a piece of paper in all caps that I finally got the message: USE YOUR VOICE.
Just because I am quiet and private does not mean that I am weak or timid, so I initially struggled with my counselor’s advice. But for the last several months, I have taken heed of the words she had me write, and I have experimented with using my voice. I did not stand in the street clanging a drum or send out a mass email of destruction. Nor did I vent every displeasure or grievance. But I did speak up a few times when I thought “enough is enough.” I am a slow burn when it comes to getting riled. By the time I have had enough, I am usually already down the road with no rearview mirror. But in these last months, I have stayed with my thoughts. I have carefully sifted them through a filter held by nail-scarred hands. As a result, my concerns and aggravations often crumbled into dust in the presence of God’s Word. If anything remained, I knew that concern or aggravation qualified as “enough is enough.”
Granted, I still had to be selective in who I chose to speak to, as some people cannot grasp a reality beyond their biased opinions, questionable facts, and experiences (nor do they want to). But what I learned through this experiment expanded not only my reach but also my relationship with myself.
My objective in “using my voice” was not to speak my mind or change another’s. I defined my intention clearly: to use my voice as a bridge to meet for an open discussion. I learned that IF both parties were willing, we would leave one another a little stronger and a little wiser and perhaps weaken the strongholds that keep us all blinded to one another’s humanity.
Enough is enough.
“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).
May we continue through this week looking for ways to use our voice to express being for one another more than against one another. And when conflict arises (as it will), may we attempt to avoid the land mines and become bridge builders.
Tiffany Kaye Chartier
SGLY, dear reader.
(Smile, God Loves You.)
Tiffany Kaye Chartier, Author 